I have officially been locked for 1 week! This week included zero orgasms or release. I've managed to hole train 3x this week, which was my target for this lockup, and once this blog post is published, I will have accomplished my 2x a week blog posting that my husband and I agreed upon. I'm happy that I'm starting to get into the swing of things and find my groove with this lockup period. What did surprise me a bit was the fact that I had to start from scratch with hole training. It's shocking how quickly my hole closed back up after 2 weeks of not playing with it. I had to start back at the Gapekeeper 65 and have since worked my way back to the Gapekeeper 75. Hopefully the consistency makes the Gapekeeper 75 easier to take.
While I've definitely found my groove, I've noticed that during this particular lockup, my horniness is not building quickly. I attribute a lot of that to daily stress and just not really being in a "sexual" mood recently. I was talking to two kinky online friends and both of them had similar perspectives. The first one mentioned to me that naturally as humans, we don't want to have sex when we are stressed. During stressful times, our body tells us that we shouldn't procreate and bring another human into the world. So the desire for a man to spray his seeds is tempered. I thought about this and it could definitely be the reason I'm not feeling as horny. Not that I'd be allowed to spray my seed anyway, haha, but at least it makes sense.
Another one mentioned that when we are in a constant state of "vigilance," it's difficult to feel "playful". At the end of the day, all of this, sex, kink, chastity, etc. is play. It makes a lot of sense why I'm not really in the mood and feeling playful as I work through the other priorities in my life right now.
With all of that being said, I am proud of myself for staying locked and keeping up with my tasks, even though I'm not necessarily feeling sexual. In the past, I would have unlocked and said, "what's the point of this?" Being able to stay locked during this period is a new feeling for me. Not seeing the horniness build and directly seeing the immediate impact of chastity is different and a feeling I'm trying to process and evaluate. I don't mind leaning into this feeling and I wonder if this is the process I need to tap into in order to achieve longer and longer lockups. Life is not always going to be a constant horny buildup. If I'm able to stay locked, keep hole training, and keep sharing this journey, even through these times, maybe hitting something beyond 60 days is possible in the future. What do y'all think?
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